I believe I have already answered the question.  I’m about 95% sure I am going to get a Tubal Ligation (have my tubes tied).  It’s something that I have been considering for a bit and I think that it’s the right choice for me.  I have an appointment this Friday to discuss it with my doctor and I have to admit I am a bit nervous.

Prior to my first daughter I had never intended on having children of my own.  I always believed there were to many children in the world already in need of loving parents and I knew I could be that person for them.  I still feel that way, and my husband and I both look forward to adopting someday.  However, I am glad that I was able to experience pregnancy.  I feel blessed enough to have gone through the experience twice.

But I am almost completely convinced that this is the right decision for me.  I have listed the pro’s and con’s.  And for me at least the con’s list is greater.

My pro’s:

• the child (of course)
• the anticipation of “is it a boy or girl”
• the anticipation of what this little person will be like and look like
• and feeling and seeing them inside me

My con’s:

• everything else!

No for REAL!  I’m amazed when people tell me they like being pregnant.  It sucked!  I hated it!

• being exhausted for 9 months straight
• vomiting 24 hours a day for the first few months
• not being able to sleep because you can’t get comfortable
• not being able to sleep because of back pain
• hell, I’ll just give back pain it’s own “bullet”
• peeing on yourself every time you sneeze, cough, or laugh
• farting every time you bend over (especially awesome in public places)
• not being able to get back up after sitting or laying down
• staying sick for weeks every time you get sick because you can’t take anything for it
• having it feel like the doctor is trying to reach your tonsils from your girly region every time they check you during the last month
• all the times you get poked with needles
• and I won’t even touch the awesomeness that is labor and delivery…you should already have an idea of what a cake walk that is

Oh and then of course there is post-partum!  The bleeding, stitches, and if you’ve suffered like me…the horrible post-partum depression.  Which for myself had gotten worse with each child.

With my second daughter I stayed in the hospital for 3 days.  On day 3, my whole world came crashing down on me.  I can’t even really begin to explain it because it wasn’t really “feelings” per say.  I just couldn’t stop crying.  I didn’t want to do anything, I felt horrible.  All together I had to get 3 separate hormone shots and take Lexapro for 3 months before I was good ole Carmen again.  I could feel the difference after the 1st hormone shot.  I felt okay, not miserable but just okay.

Taking in all my experiences I think for my own sound mind and body that I can’t and don’t want to put myself through all of this again.  Especially the depression.  Even if things were not to be worse with another pregnancy but exactly the same as my last, I don’t think I could or want to go through it again.  Nor do I think I even want to take the chance of seeing how things would go another time.

I realize there will be times when I know or see someone whom is expecting and have a moment of envy.  Which will remain just that, a moment.  I absolutely want to have more children….someone else’s.