I was 26 years old when I discovered I was pregnant with my first daughter.  My world came to a screeching halt.  I’m not going to refer to it as a mistake because she is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me…so I’ll call it unexpected.  It was not only unexpected for me but for the 20 year old douche bag I was dating at the time.  I had never planned to have children of my own.  If I were to ever change my mind it would’ve been many years from that point.  I enjoyed my carefree lifestyle that was all about myself.

I’m not going to lie, it was MAJOR adjustment.  I thought that I was pretty realistic about what I had to do and how hard it was going to be.  It turned out to be even harder.  My daughter’s sperm donor (I so lovingly call him because that’s the only thing he did) is what made things more difficult.  I won’t even get into all the various ways this “man” is and was worthless in her life.  I will, however, cover what was the most difficult lesson I have ever learned in my life.

I came from a broken home.  I rarely saw my mother and it was a very long time before I understood why.  I DID NOT want this for my daughter.  I threw myself under the bus essentially, going out of my way in every way possible to make him be there for her.  A perfect example:  I would drive her 2 or sometimes 4 hours one way to see him because he had better things to do.  Or I would allow him to “call her” but oddly enough he would never ask about her in our conversations just argue with me.

Then FINALLY it hit me.  No matter how much I cannot comprehend how someone could have a piece of themselves out there and not care.  I can’t make them.  There is no amount of reasoning, threatening, negotiating, or anything else that I can do to make someone want to be a parent.  To make them want to be a part of their wonderful and beautiful child’s life.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this experience but it has definitely been the one in my life that has taught me the most…about myself and the rest of the world.